Massive changes underway at large law firms; true causes of glass ceiling finally discovered by female journalist; Google unveils new product

In a stunning move, several major money-center law firms are planning to roll back hourly rates to levels last seen in the 1980’s.

Meanwhile, in an effort to cater to the desires of “junior associates [who] have too much time on their hands,” some firms will “give each associate born after 1978 an entire year off with full pay.”

On the other hand, some more old-school firms, in an effort “to shield their associates from the wiles of recruiters offering richer rewards,. . . have banned breakfast[and] . . . quit serving lunch, [so] . . . the associates [would be] too weak to answer the phone.”

In a watershed story on the corporate glass ceiling, whose connection with the first two stories above will only be disclosed if you click the “continued” link, Business Week reports:

an undiscovered reason why women don’t hunger for the corporate penthouse: magazine photos! Many women dislike having their pictures taken unless they can do their own makeup, triple-check the lighting, and make sure only their left profile shows. Not always possible when you’re dealing with the big bad business press.

Google’s new product is designed to “Quench your thirst for knowledge.”

Today Google announced the release of “Google Gulp (BETA)™ with Auto-Drink™ (LIMITED RELEASE), a line of ‘”smart drinks’ designed to maximize your surfing efficiency by making you more intelligent, and less thirsty.”

APRIL FOOLS!

Sphere: Related Content